Home > Music, Rockinpaddy > This is not a sad song….

This is not a sad song….

Of course its a bit hard to write this blog but I just need to acknowledge…..This day (13th November)…this time last year, I didn’t know that I’d only have 7 days left with my beautiful, lovely mum. Bare with me…promise it won’t be a sad song…..

Me n Pickles (who just landed today, swapping planes wiv me Banana burro, Dave) were backwards n forwards to mum, still hoping for the day I could get her home from the hospice…Taytos, bounty, crunchie, burgers…all the bad stuff (flowers and scents too,mum loved nice smells), but we all laughed together and didn’t care! 
We didn’t know what was happening next so we lived for each moment and I’m so grateful to everyone who supported/PA’S for me  so I could always be there…when it mattered. Especially after Gerry suddenly passed in the middle of it all bless him. 

I always knew mum was my strength but I’m only just starting to realise how much strength she’s given me to keep going. And I’m so grateful to her for it. 


This has easily been the worst year of my life and yet I’m here (obviously) getting through it, gigging, working, living. I’ve lost mum, Gerry, my pa Vicky and a whole load of other changes (poor Yvonne & Lena no longer able to work with me, no ilf, amongst other changes)…

I’d lost two people who were my compass…my everything…..but…..I smile, laugh, enjoy things/moments, continue to write & sing, perhaps a little weaker for now.. But….  

I’ve obv cried a lot…In life I’ve never been scared to cry but was feeling a bit outa control with it. So I tried to stop hold it in…not cry so much…not show it as it was seen as wallowing…not crying  didn’t help. 

Recently I went back on a gig/end of tour show performing with ExySexy Bodies. Ironically I was in the middle of a UK Tour with them when mum took ill.  Anyway whilst away on this recent gig  G-Bob gave me a few pearls (I’ll put the link up once I chat to him to ok it). As a result I cried again…but the way  I used to do, cry …deal with a sadness….let an emotion out and importantly to feel it was ok to do so (Thanks G-Bob x). 

And yet through this last, worst year of .my life… good things carry on, filling my life. I can still laugh, smile, enjoy. Phew!! See I told you it wasn’t a sad song. 

I’m blessed with a dad as strong as an Ox.  A family, PA’s & friends that have caught me as I have fallen at various times through this year and brought me back to realise I’m lucky and need to get on wiv it.  

Cliché but, You all know who you are and I love you dearly for all you have done and continue to do for me. 

I have brilliant work and colleagues, supportive, always there with understanding n words of wisdom and who really do inspire (in the proper mom patronising sense of the word) me. 

In my life I always try not to spend too much time looking inward…a little is no harm.. But not to the point where it becomes self centred. This last year I’ve had to look inward more than I would like…just to hold on…get through….

I’m not going to say I’m ready to move on…not sure lifes really like that, but I am getting through, getting on, new excitement, challenges, friendships, relationships, opportunities that I know I have to give a go/take..there’s a job to be done. And as mum said in those last week’s.. Keep at em.. Fight on (referring to our fight for the ILF)

I know this next week’s going to be hard leading up to going back home to Ireland, and of course some sadness,….but….I’m looking forward to it. 

I’d love your help next Sunday to mark mums anniversary…in a way…if that’s ok? I’m giving you the heads up now so you can think about it in time. 

I want to find a way to celebrate mums life so when I get to this point each year, over time it becomes more celebration, less sadness. I know my family will pray but not everyone is into that and me mum taught me what inclusion means…whoever you are yer welcome..

So…..

As many of you know, mum was a whirlwind of energy & happiness, the fastest at everything and always up for the craic. She loved music (probably why I ended up a musician?). So it’s simple.


Next Sunday I invite you to play a song  that makes you smile (if you want obviously). 

It’ll be a bonus if it makes others smile. Choose a song that means something to you. Simples…maybe share it in Facebook/twitter. Even that’s not important…just play a song that means something and makes you smile..

Hopefully when you do it you’ll remember me mums strength and happiness which in turn will give me strength n happiness…others don’t even have to know why……everyone’s a winner.. 

Ideas for a hashtag (if we want to share the moment, hopefully #not to cheesy) would be making Gerry laugh and confusing mum with my flip top computer and they’d both be asking how many gigabytes…

Course I’m gunna be sad…I’ll prob cry a bit…but I want to smile and learn over time to celebrate the day better & better. 

Thanks in advance sausages xx

Hashtag suggestions so far:

#MarysMusic (my preference at mo?)

#MusicToSmileBy

???? 

Fanks mum xx fanks sausages xx

Categories: Music, Rockinpaddy
  1. November 13, 2016 at 20:15

    Hi John, King of the sausages! So sad to read that your Mum died last year. I knew something very important was happening for you but not what it was.
    Sadly I lost Chrissy early in July this year, so I’m just starting on this journey of love and loss.
    I’ve not worked since January, and then only part time since Chrissy’s treatment started in 2013. I’d love to come and see you again sometime, when ok for you. So many people that were at out 25th Wedding Anniversary do in Gillingham ask me ‘how’s your mate John?’, you definitely made a positive impression.
    Well, what to play next Sunday? I think I might spend the whole day playing music because there is so much that says so much to me. I’m not on twitbook or any of those things, but who knows, I might post a video on youtube of me dancing to the Olympic Spasticus!
    I’ve got such fantastic support from family (on both sides) and am so glad to read that you have got such good support too. I’ve lost a lot of enthusiasm and comittment to things, hopefully it will return, but I’m glad you still have the spirit within you to keep on fighting and singing and laughing and loving. At the end of the day it’s what we’re here for I guess.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings and emotions and your determination. It has done me good to read it.
    Very best wishes to you and yours,
    Love Robin XXXX

  2. November 14, 2016 at 07:48

    Thank you for sharing. X ❤️ X

  3. Sue
    November 14, 2016 at 21:19

    Shit I had no idea {{{hugs}}} ❤ ❤ ❤

  4. November 15, 2016 at 00:53

    Lovely Jon. x

  5. Stuart P
    November 16, 2016 at 14:27

    Wow!! Incredible reading mate.

    I’m still without my own transport due to ongoing health issues, but if and when you fancy a meet, I can jump on a bus.

    Y’mate Stu

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